Barack Obama Talks About What Fatherhood Really Means
My own father died when I was 7. Despite my parents divorce, I still remember those weekends he came to take me with him. Even as a young child, I felt a sence of strength and security when I was with him. He was always a heavy drinker. My mother would repeatedly warn him, that if she smelled alcohol or thought he had been drinking, she would not let me go with him. So I pleaded with him not to drink. He worked in the post office by day and went to drafting school at night ,hoping to get a better job. But one day alcohol got the better of him and he drowned. Despite being a good swimmer, after jumping off a manhattan tour boat , he could not fight the currents. 3 days later they found his body.
When my mother told me what had happened, I was devasted. As I got older, my devastation turned into anger. I was angry that he did not have the strength to fight his addiction. But I had friends and neighbors who had strong Black fathers who were truck drivers, garbage, police men. I saw them getting up every day going to work and coming back home to be with their families. As the years passed, my anger at my father's alcohol weakness turned into a determination that I was going to be the father I didn't have. In my 20's I found out from relatives that my father's father was not around when he and my uncle were growing up.
This leads me to say that real Fatherhood is learned. Despite the unique obstacles and challenges we face as Black men in a society that underestimates and does not expect much from us, we must expect and demand more from ourselves. Our children do need our financial support. But what they want most of all is our time and attention. When I talk with my teenagers now, what they remember most are our trips to the zoo and the museum. Our Sunday morning big breakfast and our long walks and talks. My holding up their bikes, as they learned how to ride. Fatherhood is about a committment of time and attention that will be pasted on to the next generation of Black fathers. I came across this interesting article about fatherhood and our daughters:
Black Leaders Empasize The Importantance Of
Father Daughter Bond
Kate Santich | Sentinel Staff Writer
Black leaders on Thursday called upon fathers across the country -- and especially black fathers -- to step up for their daughters, becoming their "rock" and "a living example of what a good man should be."
"When fathers involve themselves with their daughters, you see and know the difference," said TV journalist Ed Gordon, addressing the 100 Black Men of America annual conference in Orlando. "Be more than just a protector, more than just the bank for your daughter and your family. Be her nurturer; be a loving entity within the family."
"Daddy's Promise," Gordon's national initiative to celebrate the father-daughter bond, officially launches Sunday -- Father's Day -- with a Web site that allows dads to download a pledge of love, support and duty they can give their children. He also hopes families will upload father-daughter pictures -- and that the movement will spread via a cross-country series of panel discussions and events.
Alarming statistics on the rise of girls in gangs and black women in prison -- the fastest-growing segment of the prison population -- make the initiative especially important for the black community, Gordon said. But he emphasized that his message is for all fathers.
Alarming statistics on the rise of girls in gangs and black women in prison -- the fastest-growing segment of the prison population -- make the initiative especially important for the black community, Gordon said. But he emphasized that his message is for all fathers.
If white America doesn't want . . . to be involved in this," he said, "understand that it'll creep into your neighborhood. And it won't have anything to do with blacks moving next door. It's just the societal norm of what occurs as times change and things get harder for people."
Gordon, host of the syndicated TV show Our World with Black Enterprise, got involved in the issue after penning an essay for Essence magazine on the bond he shares with his daughter Taylor, now 14. The essay provoked an "overwhelming" response, Gordon said, leading to a book deal and the Daddy's Promise initiative.
Frequent CNN commentator Roland S. Martin, who helped lead a panel discussion on the topic, also called upon men to get involved in the lives of girls who otherwise would have no suitable father figures. Martin and his wife, for instance, are raising four of his nieces after his sister "married one of those sperm donors, and she finally decided enough is enough."
"Sometimes we have to admit . . . we have some sorry brothers and sisters, and we have to intervene for their kids," Martin said. "And, sure, they might be a burden . . . but raising those girls is far more important to me than sitting here having a bigger 401k."
The benefits, the panel agreed, go beyond the immediate relationship. A strong father-daughter bond helps sons learn the right way to treat women and keeps daughters from making bad choices about sex and relationships.
"My image of a black man is based on my dad," said Glenda Hatchett, a judge who now presides over court in her syndicated TV show. "He wasn't a man with a lot of money, a lot of prestige. He was a hard-working man, no bling-bling around his neck, who came home to the same woman for 50 years. And he paid his mortgage and he went to church, and he prayed for us. And that's what a lot of these young girls are missing."
For Orlando police Capt. Charles Robinson, a member of the local chapter of 100 Black Men and the father of two girls, the message hit home.
"I just basically try to be involved with my daughters -- whether it's piano or ballet or fishing," Robinson said. "My job is to show them how they should be treated as young ladies. My job is to be a good example."
Kate Santich can be reached at [email protected] or 407-420-5503.
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